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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100547">Alex P</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttons_n_bose/pseuds/buttons_n_bose'>buttons_n_bose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Band Fic, Bi-Curiosity, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Coming Out, Hopeless Romantic, I'm Sorry, M/M, Minor Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Backstory (Julie and The Phantoms), Secret Relationship, Self-Discovery, Sexuality Crisis, Sunset Curve (Julie and The Phantoms), Unrequited Crush, set in 1994, this was just supposed to be fun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:21:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,103</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100547</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttons_n_bose/pseuds/buttons_n_bose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex has a tendency to daydream as he doodles. One day, he writes Alex P, as in Patterson, as in his boyfriend's last name. But he and Luke aren't public yet, so the 'P' sparks a lot of questions in Reggie when he sees it. Questions like, does Alex have a crush on a guy whose last name ends with P? Does Alex have a crush on Reggie, whose last name ends with P? And why does the idea of Alex having a crush on him make Reggie's heart flutter?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex &amp; Bobby | Trevor Wilson &amp; Luke Patterson &amp; Reggie, Bobby | Trevor Wilson &amp; Reggie, Luke Patterson/Alex Mercer, unrequited Reggie Peters/Alex Mercer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by my best friend's headcanon of Alex being a hopeless romantic and unknowingly causing Reggie's bi-awakening.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex was bad at math.</p><p>	It wasn’t an insult, it was simply a fact. No matter how hard he studied, how many exercises he did and flashcards he made, there was no getting better at calculus. Still, that didn’t stop him from trying. He did the work, and even some extra, and he wrote down everything his teacher said in class, just in case it unlocked some part of his brain that was actually a mathematical genius.</p><p>	Alex sat at the back of the classroom. He liked being able to see everyone without them seeing him, and teachers never got around to the kids at the back. Here, he could do his work in uninterrupted and comfortable silence.</p><p>	Today, “work” meant zoning out. It was a catch-up class, stuff Alex had already gone over in the textbook and on the internet for fear of falling behind. As Mr. Hayes went over the same kind of equation over and over again on the board, only with different variables and numbers, Alex doodled in the margins of his notebook. Nothing coherent: he was far from an artist, but there was something cathartic about drawing thin loops across each line.</p><p>	The loops turned into a tornado, with a house and a dog and a stick-man, and Alex felt rather pleased with it. He signed his name beside it, trying something new: <i>-Alex P.</i> His pencil hovered over the initial for a moment, and he couldn’t help but smile. Not bad.</p><p>	The bell rang, interrupting his thoughts (or possibly lack thereof). Alex got up, shouldered his bag as he picked up his notebook, and headed out the door.</p><p> </p><p>Luke was waiting for him outside class. This wasn’t unusual: Luke had taken to picking Alex up from Pre-Calculus shortly before they started dating. Headphones hung around his neck, a walkman sitting in the open pages of the Biology textbook in his hands. He looked up as Alex walked out of the classroom, grinning widely.</p><p>	“How was Pre-Cal?” he asked, falling into step beside Alex as they headed down the hall.</p><p>	“Not bad,” said Alex. “How was Home Ec?”</p><p>	“I don’t know. I didn’t go.”</p><p>	Alex stopped walking and grabbed Luke’s arm. “Luke!”</p><p>	“Sorry! I was listening to the new Green Day album, here—” He shoved his textbook into Alex’s arms. Alex grabbed it clumsily, checking to make sure none of the pages were bent. Luke pulled the headphones from his neck and put them over Alex’s ears, then grabbed his walkman and skipped a song before pressing play.</p><p>	Alex frowned. “It’s so loud!”</p><p>	“It’s rock, Alex.”</p><p>	“What?!”</p><p>	Luke shushed him, putting his finger over Alex’s lips. Alex rolled his eyes, trying to hide the flutter in his heart with annoyance. He couldn’t help but nod in time with the beat, and Luke looked pleased.</p><p>	“Good, right?”</p><p>	“Yeah,” Alex agreed. “Reggie would kill that bass.”</p><p>	“Right? I was thinking we could sample it, and use that drum beat we were playing around with the other night...and I wrote these new lyrics—” He pulled out a piece of paper from a later page in his textbook and showed it to Alex.</p><p>	Alex took it, looking over the scrawled lyrics. “Do you actually study from this book?”</p><p>	“Sometimes.” Luke leaned against the nearest locker. “So, what do you think?”</p><p>	Alex looked up from the paper, smiling. “Yeah, Patterson. It’s great.”</p><p>	Luke smiles brightly. “So, should we go? The guys are probably waiting.”</p><p>	Alex agreed, handing back Luke’s textbook and walkman, and the two continued on their way.</p><p> </p><p>They found Reggie and Bobby in the courtyard. They were sitting on one of the benches, somewhat-subtly watching a group of girls from the lacrosse team chat on the staircase.</p><p>	Luke was the one to get their attention, yelling “Peters!” in a dopey voice as he came up to Reggie. The two engaged in a complex handshake, Alex watching in mild amusement. He took a seat beside Bobby, who still hadn’t acknowledged his friends’ arrival.</p><p>	“Who is it this week?” Alex asked, nudging him.</p><p>	“Bella Arnolds.”</p><p>	“From the lacrosse team?” Luke asked, stepping up onto the bench in order to sit on the back of it. Alex rolled his eyes again, though he found it endearing how Luke always liked to make himself seem taller than he really was.</p><p>	Reggie nodded. “We’re in History together...but I swear we’ve got chemistry.”</p><p>	Luke and Bobby bursted out into laughter, while Alex hid his smile behind his notebook.</p><p>	Reggie noticed, reaching across Bobby to grab it. “Math?”</p><p>	“Yeah,” Bobby confirmed. “Blue is his math colour.”</p><p>	“Because it makes him sad,” Luke said dramatically.</p><p>	“Shut up.” Alex pushed him. Luke gripped the bench for balance, then flipped off his boyfriend.</p><p>	“So.” Bobby got to his feet, picking up his bag. “Practice at my place?”</p><p>	“I’m in,” said Alex. “Luke wrote a new song.”</p><p>	Luke grinned. “Sure did, and it’s got a killer bass for Peters.”</p><p>	“It’s about time,” Reggie grumbled as he stood. “I haven’t had a solo the last two songs.”</p><p>	“Reggie, we scrapped the last two songs,” Bobby reminded him.</p><p>	“It still hurts!”</p><p> </p><p>The group had walked to Bobby’s so many times, it was practically muscle memory for them. Reggie and Luke led the way, Reggie flipping through Alex’s notebook as they walked.</p><p>	“I’m so glad I dropped math,” said Reggie.</p><p>	Luke clapped him on the back. “We all are, buddy.”</p><p>	Reggie stopped on the last page to have writing on it, looking over the scribbles in the margin. “Looks like someone wasn’t paying attention today. Hey, look—since when is his last name Percer?”</p><p>	Luke looked over Reggie’s shoulder as he pointed to the name beside the tornado. <i>Alex P.</i> He smiled. “It isn’t.”</p><p>	“Is Alex into someone?” Reggie speculated. “Why didn’t he say anything? Who do we know with a last name that starts with P?”</p><p>	Luke wasn’t listening. He was busy looking over his shoulder at Alex and Bobby, who were walking behind them. Bobby was talking animatedly about a battle in Legend of Zelda that he couldn’t get past, and Alex was giving him pointers. The drummer caught his boyfriend’s eye, flashing him a smile.</p><p>	“Wait…” Reggie was too caught up in his own train of thought to notice that Luke wasn’t on board. “I start with P.”</p><p>	“You sure do, Peggie,” said Luke in amusement.</p><p>	Reggie slapped Luke’s arm, and he turned back around. “Luke, I’m serious! Does Alex...is he into me? Did he tell you anything?”</p><p>	“Not about having a crush on you, no.”</p><p>	Reggie looked down at the name again thoughtfully. “Huh.”</p><p> </p><p>Luke hung back once they got to the garage. Bobby and Reggie headed in, immediately getting to work setting up their instruments. Alex stayed back, giving Luke a curious look.</p><p>	Luke only grinned. “Ready for practice, Alex P?”</p><p>	Alex smiled sheepishly. “What?”</p><p>	“Reggie and I saw it in your notebook.”</p><p>	Alex glanced into the garage. Reggie was busy plugging his bass into the amp, the notebook sitting forgotten on the table. “Did you…?”</p><p>	“Of course not,” said Luke, shaking his head. “We already said we’d tell them together.</p><p>	“Right, yeah.” Alex breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he wanted to hide his relationship with Luke. He’d come out to the band almost a year ago, and it was only a matter of time before he started seeing someone. He just never expected that someone to be Luke. He didn’t want their relationship to change the dynamic of the band. “Cool.”</p><p>	Luke tugged on the strap of Alex’s fanny pack. “I didn’t know you liked my last name so much.”</p><p>	“Maybe I don’t.” Alex shrugged, biting back a smile. “Maybe class was just boring.”</p><p>	“Whatever you say, Mercer.”</p><p>	Alex checked to make sure Reggie and Bobby weren’t looking before kissing Luke’s cheek.</p><p>	Luke smiled, pleasantly surprised. “I thought you had a rule about PDA.”</p><p>	“And I thought you weren’t listening.”</p><p>	“I wasn’t.” Luke rose on tiptoes to kiss Alex’s cheek. Alex laughed, putting his arm around Luke’s shoulders as they walked inside.</p><p> </p><p>Practice went on for the better part of two hours. The boys ordered pizza, graciously paid for by Bobby’s parents, and ate it as they made adjustments to lyrics and chord progressions of some of their new songs. Reggie tried suggesting another veiled country song, which Luke quickly uncovered and vetoed. By the time practice ended, they’d perfected one of their songs, ready to open with it at their gig that weekend.</p><p>	Luke and Alex eventually left, having to get home before curfew. Reggie helped clean up the empty pizza boxes and put the covers on Alex’s drums as Bobby went inside. When he returned with drinks, Reggie was seated on the couch with his feet up on the table, deep in thought.</p><p>	“My parents said you could spend the night,” said Bobby, handing Reggie a can of soda.</p><p>	“Thanks,” said Reggie distractedly.</p><p>	“I think Mom’s psyched that you spend the night so often. She thinks it justifies me having a bunk bed. As if me wanting to sleep on a top bunk wasn’t reason enough.” Bobby sat beside him, waiting a moment before elbowing him. “What’re you thinking about?”</p><p>	Reggie glanced at him. He hesitated, taking a deep breath before saying, “I saw something in Alex’s notebook.”</p><p>	“Uh-huh.”</p><p>	“And, uh...he wrote ‘Alex P’.”</p><p>	Bobby frowned. “As in ‘Percer’?”</p><p>	“As in…” Reggie paused, then continued in a hushed tone despite no one being around to hear: “Peters.”</p><p>	“Why would he write your initial?” As soon as he posed the question, realization on Bobby’s face. “Oh! D’you think he’s into you?”</p><p>	“I don’t know! Luke said Alex hasn’t said anything.”</p><p>	“Wow. So…” Bobby opened his can, taking a thoughtful sip. “Wow. How d’you feel about it?”</p><p>	Reggie looked away, suddenly nervous. “I dunno. I never thought of Alex like that, but...I think...maybe I could.”</p><p>	Bobby watched him, eyebrows raising a little. “Wait, you’re serious?”</p><p>	“I don’t know!” Reggie started fidgeting with the tab of his can, twisting it until it popped loose. “I don’t know. I mean, I never...he’s Alex, you know? And I’ve never...for any guy. But...I was thinking...maybe. <i>Maybe.</i>”</p><p>	Bobby smiled. “That’s really great, Reg.”</p><p>	“Yeah?”</p><p>	“Yeah, man.” He elbowed him again. “I mean, as long as they make you happy, who cares who you’re into, right?”</p><p>	Reggie considered this, then nodded slowly. “Right. Yeah.”</p><p>	“Are you going to talk to Alex about it?”</p><p>	Reggie shook his head frantically. “Oh, God, no. No, no. Not yet. I gotta...think about it.”</p><p>	“Okay, sure.” Bobby leaned back against the sofa. “For the record, I think you and Alex would be great.”</p><p>	Reggie smiled, turning to his friend. “Yeah?”</p><p>	“Yeah.”</p><p>	“Thanks.”</p><p>	The boys each took a sip of their drink. They sat in silence for a few minutes before heading into the house, where they watched TV in the family room until Mrs. Wilson sent them to bed. It took awhile, but Reggie eventually drifted off, deep in thought about the butterflies that suddenly came to life in his stomach whenever he thought about the <i>P</i> beside Alex’s name.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reggie figures some things out...and learns a bit more than he wants to.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"Give us more!" said the people.<br/>"Only if it's angst!" I replied.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next couple of weeks were interesting for Reggie. He had a harder time focusing in class, especially Spanish. How was he meant to memorize irregular verbs when Alex kept turning around from his desk in front of him, flashing a million-dollar smile as he told some stupid bilingual pun?</p>
<p>“What’s ‘zapato’ in English?”</p>
<p>	“A shoe.”</p>
<p>	“Bless you, Reginald.”</p>
<p>	Reggie laughed, quickly getting in trouble from Señora Lewis for disrupting the class, but it was worth it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It all clicked together at band practice. It was their last one before Saturday night’s gig, and though Reggie had been unsuccessful in convincing the band to add one of his country songs to the set list, they all agreed that it was going to be their best performance yet.</p>
<p>	Luke had wanted to go over ‘Get Lost' again, insisting they needed to perfect the bridge, and the others were all too happy to oblige. Reggie opened with a bass line, Alex came in with the drums, and they were off.</p>
<p>	If the notes weren’t muscle memory to Reggie by that point, he would have messed up the song. He often turned to Alex during the bridge, leaving Bobby and Luke to their harmonies. Alex looked up, grinning as he played some sort of quick-paced, muffled beat that fascinated Reggie, and the flop in Reggie’s stomach told him what he was fairly certain he already knew: he was far gone for Alex Mercer.</p>
<p>	Reggie made up an excuse to stay a little longer after practice ended, claiming he needed Bobby’s help for the Biology homework. Luke didn’t seem too bothered that Reggie hadn’t asked him for help, and Bobby seemed to understand that it wasn’t really about the labelling worksheet they’d been assigned.</p>
<p>	As soon as Luke and Alex were gone, Reggie turned to Bobby. “I’ve got a crush on Alex,” he blurted.</p>
<p>	His friend beamed. “For real?”</p>
<p>	Reggie nodded, significantly more nervous about the whole thing. “Yeah. I thought it would just pass but...I dunno, just now when we were playing, I…”</p>
<p>	"You fell.” Bobby ruffled the bassist’s hair. “I don’t blame you.”</p>
<p>	“Yeah, well.” Reggie grabbed his jacket and pulled it on. “Do I...tell him?”</p>
<p>	“Do you want to tell him?”</p>
<p>	“No.” Reggie’s face felt warm at the mere thought of it.</p>
<p>	“Then don’t,” Bobby said simply. “You don’t have to. Nothing has to change right away. If you want to tell him next week, then go for it. If something happens and you want to tell him tomorrow, do it.”</p>
<p>	“Oh, God.” The idea of going up to Alex after their gig the next day and telling him about the notebook and the Spanish jokes and the way his heart stopped when Alex laughed made Reggie’s knees buckle.</p>
<p>	“Hey.” Bobby put his hands on Reggie’s shoulders, keeping him steady. “There’s no pressure, okay? This is a big change, and I’m here for you. No matter what you decide to do.”</p>
<p>	Reggie managed a smile, taking a deep breath. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>	“Don’t mention it. You good to walk home?”</p>
<p>	“Yeah.” Reggie needed the time alone to think.</p>
<p>	“Okay. See you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>	“See you.”</p>
<p>	Reggie slid his hands into his pockets as he left the garage and headed home. Normally, he would take this time to prepare himself for whatever situation he might walk into when he opened the front door, but tonight his thoughts were still in the garage, on the hands that gripped a pair of drumsticks with such ease.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alex was at the venue first. He always was: he hated to be late, so he liked to be at least ten minutes early. Bobby would often shoot to be there around the same time, so Alex wouldn’t be alone for so long, which the blond greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>	The two sat backstage, the venue manager having let them in early due to the harsh winds outside. Alex was twirling a drumstick between his fingers, sinking into the worn-down couch they were offered. It smelled about ten years old and looked about twenty, but Bobby loved it. He said it had character. Alex couldn’t necessarily argue.</p>
<p>	“So, Al.” Bobby turned in his seat on the other side of the couch. “What’s new with you?”</p>
<p>	“Nothing,” said Alex, who’d had a considerably boring week. Nothing special was going on at school, and when he wasn’t at band practice, he was studying (or “studying”) with Luke. “You?”</p>
<p>	“Aced a Biology quiz, but that’s about it.” Bobby was known for being able to pull things from Alex, and he wasn’t about to let the conversation drop. “Really, nothing?”</p>
<p>	“Is there...supposed to be something?”</p>
<p>	“I dunno, you tell me. Anyone caught your eye lately?”</p>
<p>	Alex wasn’t caught too far off-guard. He’d prepared himself for when Bobby or Reggie would ask about his love life. “Not really. It’s not like there are a lot of options at school.”</p>
<p>	“No, I guess not.” Bobby leaned back, and the room filled with the sound of pleather squeaking. “Sucks, though.”</p>
<p>	“It’s...alright.” Alex was easily distracted from the conversation as Luke walked in. He had clearly taken his bike: the ankles of his jeans were damp from going through puddles and sweat plastered his hair to his face. He was slightly out of breath as he placed his packed guitar case on the table and shrugged off his jacket.</p>
<p>	“Hey guys,” he greeted. “You been here long?”</p>
<p>	“Not that long,” said Alex, who wanted nothing more than to kiss him. For once, he wished Bobby hadn’t come early.</p>
<p>	“Parents didn’t give you a lift?” Bobby asked.</p>
<p>	Luke shook his head. “They almost didn’t let me come. If not for that Bio quiz, I’d still be home studying. Thanks for the notes, by the way.”</p>
<p>	“Don’t mention it.”</p>
<p>	The trio talked a little longer before Bobby excused himself to go to the bathroom. As soon as he was gone, Luke kissed Alex, quick and calculated. Alex barely had time to register that it was happening before Luke pulled away.</p>
<p>	“I want to tell them,” said Luke. “Tonight.”</p>
<p>	“Okay,” Alex agreed. He would have agreed with anything Luke wanted, probably.</p>
<p>	Luke wasn’t about to let Alex go along easily. He knew his boyfriend needed to go over all the options first. “Are you sure? We don’t have to, I just...we already have to be careful in public. We shouldn’t have to hide from the guys.”</p>
<p>	“No, I agree,” Alex insisted, smiling. “I want them to know.”</p>
<p>	“Great.” Luke took his hand, lacing their fingers. “So, after the show?”</p>
<p>	“After the show.” Alex nodded. He checked to make sure Bobby wasn’t on his way back yet before kissing Luke.</p>
<p>	Reggie arrived a few minutes later, and the band started setting up. After some warm-ups and going over last-minute details with the emcee, they were ready for their <br/>show. They headed backstage again as the crowd came filing in.</p>
<p>	“That’ll be us one day,” said Luke, pointing to the poster for that night on the wall.</p>
<p>	“That is us,” said Reggie. “Sunset Curve is written right there.”</p>
<p>	“Not there, Peters.” Luke smacked the back of Reggie’s head lightly. “Underneath it. Someone will be opening for us one day.”</p>
<p>	“Damn right they will,” Bobby enthused, raising his plastic cup of water.</p>
<p>	Alex raised his own, and soon the four boys were toasting their future. Onstage, they heard the emcee yell, “Put your hands together for...Sunset Curve!” The band shared excited glances as they filed out of the backroom and headed for the stage. Alex felt Luke grab his hand as he passed, and his heart leapt in his chest. He could already tell this was going to be a good show.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just as they’d hoped, Sunset Curve was a hit that night. They sold t-shirts and pins and demo tapes, and the venue manager assured them they had always had a spot on the stage. The boys packed up and waited outside for Alex’s mom, who had agreed to drive Luke home, and Bobby’s dad, who always gave Reggie a lift after shows.</p>
<p>	Alex glanced at Luke, who gave him a reassuring smile. Alex felt his heartbeat pick up, but he knew this was the right time. “So, uh...I’ve got some news.”</p>
<p>	“I knew it,” said Bobby, pulling on his hat. “Spill the beans, Mercer.”</p>
<p>	Alex cleared his throat. “Luke and I are dating.”</p>
<p>	As soon as he heard it, Luke took Alex’s hand and squeezed gently.</p>
<p>	Bobby looked between the two of them, eyes wide. “Wait...what?”</p>
<p>	Luke shrugged, tongue sticking out between his teeth as he grinned. “It’s been...what, about a month? We didn’t want to tell you guys right away, ‘cause we didn’t want things to change, but...we figured we probably should.”</p>
<p>	Alex turned to Reggie, who still hadn’t said anything. “Reg? You okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reggie was not, in fact, okay. His brain seemed to be stuck on loop, like his mom’s old turntable that she refused to acknowledge was broken. <i>Luke and I are dating. Luke and I are dating. Luke and I are dating.</i></p>
<p>	“Reggie?” Bobby elbowed him.</p>
<p>	“Yeah!” Reggie grinned. “That’s great, you guys. That’s awesome. Guess that explains the P, huh?”</p>
<p>	Alex’s cheeks flushed, and Luke laughed in surprise. “Yeah, uh...it was dumb.”</p>
<p>	“I thought it was cute,” Luke teased.</p>
<p>	Alex’s car pulled up beside them, his mom waving from the driver’s seat. The couple said goodbye to their friends, loading Luke’s bicycle and their instruments into the trunk before hopping in and driving away.</p>
<p>	Bobby turned to Reggie, frowning. “I’m sorry, man.”</p>
<p>	“For what?” Reggie was a little too chipper, which was a sure sign that something was wrong. “Nothing to be sorry about.”</p>
<p>	“But—”</p>
<p>	“Look, it’s nothing. It’s nothing! It’s really not a big deal.” Reggie toyed with the strap of his case. “I’m happy for them, really. They’re great together, don’t you think? Didn’t they seem great together? And it makes sense, ‘cause they’ve been spending a lot of time together. Boyfriends. I mean...wow. Good for them. I didn’t even know that Luke...did you know? I didn’t. But I guess it makes sense, I mean, obviously it does, since he’s dating Alex, which is—”</p>
<p>	“Reggie.” Reggie felt Bobby grab his hands, which he hadn’t even noticed were shaking. “Take a deep breath. Can you do that for me?”</p>
<p>	Reggie did, inhaling slowly and exhaling shakily. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>	“Don’t apologize. It’s okay. Just breathe.”</p>
<p>	Inhale. Exhale. “I feel stupid.”</p>
<p>	“You’re not stupid.”</p>
<p>	“I should’ve known.”</p>
<p>	“How? They kept it a secret, and they did it well. I didn’t know, so how could you?” Bobby wrapped his arms around Reggie, holding him tightly. “I’m so sorry, Reggie.”</p>
<p>	“It’s okay,” he mumbled, feeling very much not okay. “It’s not like I was gonna tell him.”</p>
<p>	“Still. I know this wasn’t what you expected.”</p>
<p>	Reggie shrugged. He knew he should pull away, but Bobby’s embrace made him feel safe. They stood like that for a while, neither of them counting exactly how long, until they heard a car stop beside them. Mr. Wilson looked concerned, but Bobby just shook his head, and his dad didn’t say anything about it. Reggie sat in the backseat along with his and Bobby’s guitars, managing to participate in conversation as they drove.</p>
<p>They dropped him off at home, Bobby promising to call the next day. Reggie only nodded, taking his bass and going inside. His family was already in bed, and he quickly followed suit, curling up under the covers and sobbing quietly until he fell asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Smiling has always come pretty easily to Reggie, but it's been less and less easy lately.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reggie had always been good at hiding his feelings.</p><p>He’d never talked to anyone about it, so he couldn’t pinpoint exactly how or when it happened. It had simply always been the case. His parents were often too wrapped up in their own feelings to ask about his, and bringing them up unprompted seemed rude. Everyone told him he had a great smile, and it was easy enough to fake one. Fake it ‘til you make it, right? Besides, the sadness never lingered long enough to really matter.</p><p>Not usually, anyways. But now he dreaded going to school, dreaded band practice, dreaded when the guys invited him out. His house was still out of the question, so Reggie spent a lot of time at Bobby’s— more than usual, in any case. Now that Alex and Luke had told the others about their relationship, the couple didn’t have to make up excuses to be alone. Reggie and Bobby were always understanding, and Reggie was more than a little relieved. He was convinced that if he avoided Alex for long enough, his feelings for him would disappear.</p><p>“Can we talk about Spanish?” Bobby asked him one afternoon. They were in his room, Reggie playing Legend of Zelda as Bobby watched from his bed.</p><p>“What about it?” Reggie killed a few monsters on his way to the castle doors.</p><p>“I know you’re not going.”</p><p>“Nuh-uh. I went yesterday.”</p><p>“Fine. I know you’re not going <i>always.”</i></p><p>Reggie was glad he was the one playing, so he wouldn’t have to look at Bobby as they spoke. For a brief moment, he wondered if Bobby had offered him the first game for that reason. “I go enough. I do all the homework and get notes that I miss. My mark’s barely gone down.”</p><p>“And that’s great, Reg, but you can’t avoid Alex forever.”</p><p>“I’m not avoiding Alex,” he lied.</p><p>Bobby shot Reggie a look, though he couldn’t see. “Says the guy who skipped practice on Monday.”</p><p>Reggie was trying not to think about Monday. He’d seen Alex and Luke kissing behind the school, and he could feel his stomach drop to his feet. He’d tried to go, but Luke had seen him and called him over, and he was forced into a conversation before he claimed to have a doctor’s appointment and took off.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, promptly drowning in the castle’s moat.</p><p>“You don’t have to apologize,” Bobby assured him. “I’m just worried. I know this is all...a lot, but I don’t want you to ruin your life over it.”</p><p>“I’m not ruining my life,” said Reggie, “and it’s not a lot. I like someone and they don’t like me back, it’s no big deal.”</p><p>“You don’t have to sweep it under the rug. We both know it’s more than that.”</p><p>Reggie shrugged and restarted the game. “Just ‘cause it’s a guy?”</p><p>“I mean...yeah.” Bobby wished Reggie would acknowledge this more. Pretending it wasn’t happening wasn’t going to help him. “Your <i>first</i> guy, and our best friend. You’re allowed to be a bit torn up about it.”</p><p>“I know that,” Reggie said shortly, picking up a boulder that blocked a secret entrance. “You think I don’t? Obviously it sucks, obviously it was hard enough realizing I like guys the same way I like girls, and that I figured it out because I fell for Alex of all people, and then for him and Luke to be...y’know. Obviously I’m all ‘torn up about it’, and I go home every night wishing it was different, but what good will that do? It’s all just easier if I don’t have to see him. Then I’ll move on and we can pretend it never happened.”</p><p>Reggie hadn’t looked away from the screen while he talked, and Bobby knew there was nothing he could do but offer his friend a distraction.</p><p>“I don’t think you should pretend it never happened.”</p><p>Reggie glanced at him, only for a moment before refocusing on the game. “Why not?”</p><p>“Because this is a huge thing for you, Reggie, even if you don’t want to recognize that. You discovered something new that’s pretty life-changing, and you can’t just push it to the side because of this little bump in the road. I’m really sorry about Alex, really, but I don’t want you to completely ignore this. I know things have been rough, but it won’t seem like hell forever.”</p><p>Reggie was silent. If he spoke, he’d snap, and he wasn’t the kind of person to snap. His father snapped, and he did everything he could not to be his father. That, and he didn’t want to snap at Bobby. Not when Bobby was the only person he had right now.</p><p>“I love you, Reggie. You know that, don’t you?”</p><p>“I know,” he said quietly, clearing the dungeon. “I love you, too.”</p><p>“Just not in that way,” Bobby teased lightly, then his smile fell. “Too soon?”</p><p>“Just soon enough,” said Reggie, handing him the controller.</p><p> </p><p>The next day at school, Reggie went to Spanish class.</p><p>His teacher didn’t react much. He’d come up with rather good excuses for missing classes, and he hadn’t lied to Bobby: his mark hadn’t suffered in his absence.</p><p>Alex, however, reacted plenty. He turned in his seat as soon as Reggie sat down, grinning from ear to ear. “Look who’s here! I was starting to think you’d dropped the class and didn’t want to tell me.”</p><p>“And leave you to fend for yourself? Not a chance.” Reggie pulled out his notebook and pencil, leaning back in his chair. “Sorry I disappeared.”</p><p>“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Alex waved away the apology. “As long as you’re not avoiding me, we’re good.”</p><p>Reggie hesitated, and Alex’s smile wavered.</p><p>“Are you...avoiding me, Reg?”</p><p>“No!” Reggie shook his head quickly. “No, of course not. Why would I…? No.”</p><p>“Okay.” Alex wasn’t convinced, Reggie could see it in his forced smile. But their attention was called to the front of the room, and the conversation was dropped.</p><p> </p><p>At band practice, Alex took Reggie aside. Bobby and Luke were busy going over chord progressions, and Reggie was shaking like a leaf as they stood outside. He tried to tell himself it was because of the cold, but the little voice in his head wasn’t all that convincing.</p><p>“So…” Alex cleared his throat. “So, neither of us like confrontation, so I’m just gonna…”</p><p>“Rip off the Band-Aid,” Reggie finished.</p><p>Alex nodded. “I know you’ve been avoiding me, Reggie. Maybe Luke, too, but I know you’re not skipping the Law class you’ve got together, so I’m pretty sure it’s just me. Did I do something?”</p><p>“No!” Reggie shook his head. “I already said I wasn’t—”</p><p>“I know you were,” Alex interrupted. “Just...please tell me why, ‘cause it’s driving me crazy.”</p><p>“I can’t,” Reggie whispered. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Can’t? Or won’t?”</p><p>Reggie bristled. The last time Alex took on a tone like that, was the time he heard Pete Newall calling William Birkham a slur as they passed in the hall. “Can’t.”</p><p>The two stared at each other for what felt like years, but was probably only a few seconds. When Alex spoke again, his voice and expression were much softer. “You can tell me anything, Reggie, you know that.”</p><p><i>Not this,</i> Reggie wanted to say. <i>I can’t tell you this, because it’ll break me.</i></p><p>“I know,” he said instead. “But I think...I need a bit more time.”</p><p>Alex paused, like he was trying to think of what to say to encourage him. But then he said, “Take all the time you need, man. I’ll be here.”</p><p>Reggie exhaled heavily, relieved. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Yo!” Luke called from inside. The two turned to see him waving his guitar pick in the air. “We gotta get started, Mom wants me home by seven.”</p><p>“Let’s go, Peters.” Alex clapped Reggie on the shoulder, flashing him a smile as he headed inside. Reggie followed, pulling another smile that felt a little less forced this time, and tried not to think about how his surname sounded in Alex’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>It was another couple of weeks before Reggie sat the band down after practice. They didn’t look any different, which amazed Reggie. He felt different, surely they could tell.</p><p>But looking at his bandmates, nothing was different. Luke sat in the middle of the couch, flanked by his chosen family, like always. His knee bounced with leftover adrenaline, running his hand through his hair so the sweat wouldn’t stick it to his forehead. He held his pick between his teeth, lips pulled in a permanent semi-smirk.</p><p>Bobby sat on Luke’s left. He knew what was coming, but he didn’t look like it. His shirt rode up as he leaned back against the couch but he didn’t bother adjusting it, too busy twisting the ring around his finger. It matched with Alex’s, and Reggie thought about how he’d been jealous that they had something that matched, for a few moments when he’d first fallen for Alex. He got over it quickly enough, thankfully.</p><p>That left Alex. He held his boyfriend’s hand loosely, studying Reggie with a curious expression as he tried to figure out what they were about to hear.</p><p>“Oh, this was a mistake,” Reggie mumbled, fiddling with the zipper of his jacket.</p><p>“You okay?” Bobby asked him.</p><p>Reggie nodded. “Yeah, I just...it’s harder with all of you looking at me.”</p><p>“We could turn around,” Luke suggested, only half-joking.</p><p>“God, no, that’s worse.” Reggie suddenly felt very warm, so he tugged off his jacket and dropped it to the ground. It sounded heavier than he expected it to.</p><p>There was a long, tense pause.</p><p>“Reg?”</p><p>“I like guys,” Reggie blurted. “The same way I like girls.”</p><p>The other three were silent.</p><p>Bobby was already smiling, and his smile grew once Reggie spoke. He already knew, but that didn’t make him any less proud. Reggie looked at him first, with a small, nervous smile. Bobby gave him a thumbs-up.</p><p>Luke was the first to speak. He got up from his seat, hopping over the table, pulling his friend into a tight hug. “Shit, Reggie! Really?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Reggie mumbled, hugging him. Lukefelt sturdy, and Reggie was thankful for that. He felt like his legs might give out at any moment.</p><p>“One of us, huh?” Luke hugged him tighter before letting go. “Wow. Wow! I’m proud of you, man.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Reggie looked to Alex, the only one left to react. He could practically see the gears turning under his blond hair, but then he was getting to his feet, walking over to wrap his arms around Reggie.</p><p>“I love you, Reg,” said Alex.</p><p>It wasn’t the way Reggie fantasized about hearing it, but it was just as good. Reggie hugged him back, closing his eyes for a moment. So what if Alex didn’t love him that way? He loved him in a way, and that’s all that really mattered.</p><p>“Love you,” said Reggie as he let go.</p><p>Luke grabbed Bobby’s arm, pulling him over and gathering everyone for a group hug, in typical Luke fashion. The tension had been cut as soon as Reggie spoke, all of them laughing and grinning. Reggie had never felt so loved.</p><p> </p><p>It was just Luke and Reggie walking home. Alex’s mom was in the neighbourhood and picked up her son, but Luke turned down her offer to drive him and Reggie as well. Reggie didn’t understand why, but didn’t question it as the two headed down the sidewalk.</p><p>Luke broke the silence. “Was it Alex?”</p><p>Reggie looked up from his shoes. It had rained that afternoon, and he wanted to make sure he didn’t step on any worms. “Huh?”</p><p>“Well, I figured you had to like a guy, in order to figure out you like guys,” Luke explained. “And Alex said you’d been avoiding him, so...was it him?”</p><p>“Please don’t be mad,” Reggie begged.</p><p>“What?” Luke frowned. “Of course I’m not mad, Reg. Why would I be?”</p><p>“Because he’s your boyfriend. But I swear, I didn’t know he was when I...y’know. I just started thinking about it, and then it just sort of happened, and then I thought about saying something but then you told us you were dating, and then obviously I couldn’t, so I didn’t.”</p><p>Luke shoved his hands into his pockets. “Shit, Reggie. That...must’ve sucked.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Reggie didn’t bother arguing. It had sucked.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be.” Reggie glanced at him. “I really am happy for you guys, you know. Just ‘cause I had a crush on Alex...I mean, it sucked, but I think you guys are great.”</p><p>“Thanks.” He couldn’t help but add: “I think so, too.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” Reggie elbowed him, both of them laughing.</p><p>“I’m really glad you told us,” said Luke after awhile. “I suspected, to be honest, but I didn’t want to say anything. In case I was wrong, or you were still figuring it out.”</p><p>“I was, but Bobby helped.”</p><p>“Bobby knew?”</p><p>“Someone had to.” Reggie shrugged. “You and Alex obviously weren’t options.”</p><p>“I guess not.” They paused outside of Reggie’s house, and Luke hugged him again quickly. “Love you, Reg.”</p><p>“Love you, Luke.”</p><p>They pulled apart, and Reggie walked down the path to his front door. He turned around and raised his hand in a half-wave, which Luke mirrored. Reggie took a deep breath before opening the door, relieved to find the house quiet. He said hello to his parents as they watched TV, and served himself dinner before taking it up to his room. He took the steps two at a time, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.</p><p>He sat down to tackle his Spanish homework, noticing a doodle of a milk carton in the corner of the page, labeled 'soy milk' and signed with an A. It took a moment, but Reggie snorted a disappointed laugh at Alex’s pun. He didn’t erase it.</p>
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